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My sister and I

Usually religion is never a conversation starter. As my father always said, “there are two things that people never discuss, religion and politics.” In my family this stands especially true. For some reason, ever since I was a little girl, religion was something that was just there and not something particularly important. As I grow older, I have come to recognize that my religion has become especially important to me. Judaism holds a much larger part in my life than in my parent’s lives, which is odd because tradition is usually something that is passed down from generations. In my case I have developed my own religious identity one that stands apart from my family, yet one that is generally common in this day and age.

I suppose I will start at the beginning. At the mere age of eight I was forced into taking Hebrew lessons. My parents sent me to Hebrew school to fulfill the whispers of the Jewish neighbors and my nagging Grandmother. The status quo young Jewish girl went to Hebrew school, so my mother expected nothing else of her eldest daughter. My father really enjoyed the Jewish religion and was not necessarily religious, but he did have his Bar Mitzvah and knew how to read Hebrew. My mother could not care less if I went or not, but she was under such pressure from Jewish stereotypes that she did not really have a choice in the matter.

I am not very good at learning other languages, and this is something that I learned at the very young age that I started studying. Learning Hebrew was not necessarily my only problem with Hebrew school. The young boys and girls that were in my class were all very obnoxious to say the least. All of the girls at this young age, had Tiffany jewelry, shopped at either Gap Kids or Limited Too and their mothers seemed just as annoying as they did. When I was young I really did not care much to impress people, therefore I wore what my mother bought for me and nothing else.

These lessons lasted a decently long amount of time. I stuck it out because I knew that it was important to my parents and no one likes a quitter. I hadn’t realized how poorly I was actually doing in class, which met once a week, until my teacher Morah Fox suggested that I repeat the grade of religion. This being completely mortifying and totally against my character I decided that Hebrew school just wasn’t for me.

A few years later when I was eleven years old my mother decided to send me to a Jewish sleep away camp, in hope that I would find religion for myself. As it turns out this camp was the place for me. I loved the way that religion was taught because they presented it in a fun upbeat way. A way that wasn’t forceful yet was effective and enjoyable. At camp we played games, sang songs, had parties and best of all we were away from our parents.

The way that this camp is designed is that it is a kosher Jewish federation camp. There is no instructional religion class, but there are religious services during the weekend days of Sabbath were mandatory. Other then eating kosher and observing Sabbath there really is no direct religious teachings at all. The amazing thing about this camp is that there really is a Jewish undertone to everything that goes on at the camp. This is special because it allows the campers to take whatever they want out of the little things that makes them “Jewish.” This undertone is not so obvious when you are young because it isn’t in your face. I didn’t learn about the teachings and the little things that made me “Jewish” until years later, when I was reflecting about personal growth and the Jew that I am.

Another amazing thing about this camp is that since it is a camp for inner-city, underprivileged Jewish children, many of my fellow campers came from broken homes and poor backgrounds; lifestyles that were clearly different from my own. The camp provided as an additional Jewish service that the campers could study the torah if they pleased. The camp has Rabbi’s to teach the campers how to read Hebrew and experience the religious passage into man or womanhood called a Bar or Bat Mitzvah. The wonderful thing about this is that most of the campers that come to Surprise Lake Camp would not have the money to have this important ceremony had it not been for camp. Many people each summer get their Bar or Bat Mitzvah’s and they have a huge party up at camp with family and friends for free.

I was a camper at Surprise Lake Camp for four years. The first year that I saw this amazing ceremony that camp provided I decided that I wanted one but I also thought it would be right to wait until I felt like I understood myself in the Jewish community and not just to have the ceremony to say that I had it. Every summer for years I said, “yeah I really want to have my Bat Mitzvah but,” and added some excuse why I shouldn’t study to have it that summer. It wasn’t until I really wanted it and really found myself connected to Judaism that I actually had my Bat Mitzvah. There were a few things that I found allowed me to take these steps toward having a religion.

My cousins adorable children

When I was thirteen my favorite cousin Faith who has been secular her whole life fell in love with an orthodox man and married him. Faith changed her entire lifestyle. She now wears wigs, eats and cooks kosher, observes Sabbath, conducts ceremonies for all of the Jewish holidays, and sends her children to Yeshiva (Jewish religious school). This lifestyle change for my favorite cousin at first seemed something new that she wanted me to experience with her instead of sitting on the sidelines watching her become a religious women. There was no chance in hell that I would ever become as religious as she became.

My cousin really had an effect on the way that I view religion. Religion is just religion, just because one is more spiritual then the next should not make them an entirely different person. At that moment I decided that I wanted to have a part in my religion and have it make a contribution to my life as it did to Faiths. After that point I wanted to make it clear that I supported her lifestyle and loved her just the same even though she can’t share a bacon cheeseburger with me. I go over her house as often as I can and keep are relationship as close as we always were.

I then decided that I was almost ready to have this religious ceremony at camp after Faith and I had this discussion that changed my life, as I knew it. I also decided that I definitely did not want to embrace my religion on my own. I didn’t want to be the only “practicing” Jew in my house. I wanted my sister to embrace it with me. I wanted the two of us to stand in front of then entire congregation at camp and present ourselves as B’nai (which means more then one) Mitzvot together. I didn’t want to do something so major all by myself; I wanted to share this day with a person I love the most, which is my sister. I told my sister of my intentions and that I wanted her to so badly share this day with me. I did not want to be pushy, so I told her that when she was ready to do the ceremony with me to let me know.

I left it as that and then had it in the back of my mind for years, but almost completely forgot. This was until one day my sister looked at me and said, “Jay, I think I am ready for my Bat Mitzvah.” I looked at my sister and almost laughed because I knew that my sister was not the studying type, and why would she choose to optionally study. To be honest, this summer I didn’t really want to spend my entire summer studying. It was the summer after my senior year of high school and all I wanted to do was have a good time. My sister, gave me motivation to study, so studying I did. Hebrew is extremely hard, but with help from an Israeli friend named Anat I actually knew all the enunciations perfectly!

My sister proved me wrong because almost five months later and what seemed like an eternity; there we were just the two of us standing in front of the Surprise Lake Camp congregation and our entire family. It was thrilling, heartwarming and emotional. My sister did wonderfully; she spoke beautifully and really said her portion of the Torah with grace. As for me, I had the portion with the most chas and kas. I made the crowd laugh because I over emphasized my chas and kas.

This moment marked my entrance into womanhood. At the age of 18 I was finally a women! This meant to start planning future endeavors to define myself as Jewish women. A year after I became a Bat Mitzvah girl, I embarked on a journal to the homeland of Israel. That trip I could say changed my life. I have never seen such a spiritual, safe, and amazing, land. You wouldn’t think that a land in the Middle East with so much fighting would be the place in the world that I felt the safest.

If I didn’t find religion on my own, I would be an entirely different person than the one that I am today. I really commend my parents for raising me with choices, and letting me make important decisions on my own with little force or effort. Not many people can say that they know where they personally stand with their own religion. I am lucky because my own experiences lead me to find myself in Judaism. Some people wait their whole life to discover where they stand. I love the place that I stand in my religion and I am just always ready for the next journey that it will take me on.

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